Following on from my last story of my bullying, here's the story of what happened when I started doing VCAL.
For those of you who don't know what VCAL is, it's sort of like VCE or HSC but without tests, mainly for kids who the school system has failed or they have failed it. It can be for a number of reasons; failure to study, social problems (the norm) or various other reasons. To put it bluntly, it's pretty much a second chance for write offs, like myself.
The first day I started there, I was like anyone else. I was new, a little scared but eager to make friends. I also had pink hair and was wearing foundation and eye liner, combined with girls jeans (I favor them for their tightness). This instantly made me stand out, but in a good way. Later more students came with hair akin to mine, leading to me cutting and changing my hair to it's natural color.
New kids started throughout the year, but seeing as it was a school filled with socially awkward children, it wasn't long since one was expelled. I didn't get on with the boy, so I wasn't sad to see him go, but it did reinforce to me the kind of students that were there. This particular boy was a homophobic, sexist, narcissistic, xenophobe who threatened me on several occasions, though I must say that the last few were my fault as I was taunting his homophobic side. In the end, his expulsion was for sexual harassment of a girl
I quickly made what I thought was friends, enjoying my time. I hung out with probably the worst of the lot. They smoke like a chimney and were very heavily involved in the drug culture. I over looked this as I wanted friends badly and connected on a musical ground. I was even in a band with one of them. I occasionally made use of them by selling imported body jewelry at cheaper prices than the stores, to which I made reasonable profit.
After a while they, like me, realized I was not like any of them. The one I was in the band with quit, which didn't surprise me in the slightest. Soon after a rumor spread about me having feelings for the bass player's girlfriend. I don't know how this started, the day in question I was flirting with the best friend of his girlfriend. She was sitting on my lap outside my class room and I was flirting quiet hard. This lead to the band breaking up and I started working on my own.
A few days later, I turned up late to school. The ex guitarist found me and accused me of saying he was a bad guitarist, which I've never said. I've always maintained he was better than me. I obviously said it wasn't true, but he didn't take word and assaulted me. He was pulled off by three guys I'd never met and I walked away, going up to the teachers. They took me to hospital and suspended the student. He was later expelled. I didn't turn up for a few days, then came back to school. I threw myself into school and raised my marks.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
A story of change
When I was 15, I was pretty heavily bullied at school.
To begin with, I left the first school soon after my 15th birthday. I went to a new school, and enjoyed myself for the first few weeks. I was the new kid. No one wanted to hurt me, they wanted to see what I was like.
As it turned out, they saw I was different. I excelled in classes, and was easily one of the top students.
Indeed, in an early music class, I found myself explaining something to the teacher.
Needless to say, for those of you who read this and have been bullied, this attracted a lot of jealousy. I was quickly hated by most of the year, which, due to my horrible anxiety, caused me to act out and be hated further.
It came to a head a few weeks before the end of fourth term. I was threatened by a fellow student that I was going to be gang bashed.
My response was to not go to the town that my school was in. I avoided it up until I was 17 and a little smarter.
Of course my genius plan only lasted the length of the holidays. Eventually I had to go back to school.
My first day back was horrible. through the course of the two and a half months I'd had off, I'd had my left ear pierced and stretched. The teachers hated this, but I seemed to be the only one in trouble for it. I had to take it out, but, for those of you who've never smelt a stretcher before, the smell surrounded my body and made me stink all day. The boy who threatened me hadn't forgotten and jumped at me the first chance he got. Luckily there was no physicality.
That night, my parents noticed something was wrong and got the story out of me. They decided I wouldn't go for the next week, which turned into fortnight, which turned into month, which turned into term until eventually the school called me in during holidays. I explained and they did little to stop it. I returned briefly for second term, mainly for music classes and camp. By the end of my run at the school, I had a 9 day attendance, three of which were camp. I ended up expelled from that school for poor attendance.
I didn't have a school for the remainder of that term. After the holidays, I enrolled in distance education. To anyone who's experienced distance, they'll know that it's horrible. You have no contact with the outside world, no socializing what so ever. Just sitting at home every day, supposedly doing work. Most people who take this rout know that if you have any mental problem, the system exploits it. My depression made work nearly impossible and it got to mid semester and I had handed in no work what so ever. I went in to the head quarters of the school to discuss this and they quickly told me to find a way to do it.
Needless to say, this didn't work. I ended up writing myself off. I didn't think I'd ever be anything or do anything. All I was was a sad over weight 16 year old with a guitar and a negative self image. I almost killed myself daily. Suicide was almost always in my mind some where.
Then something amazing happened. I got a girlfriend late year. She saved me. I enrolled in a tafe course so I could get back into schooling, doing VCAL as it was the only open course since I hadn't completed year 10. As it turns out, the girl was cheating on my for two thirds of the relationship and still tries to make my life hell. People are just like that I guess.
Since I turned my life around, I have lost weight, become fitter and my mental problems are clearing up. My face got less pimply, my smile came back and I generally felt better.
That was, until I met the other people. But that is a different story.
I'm Valentine's Shadow.
This is my story.
To begin with, I left the first school soon after my 15th birthday. I went to a new school, and enjoyed myself for the first few weeks. I was the new kid. No one wanted to hurt me, they wanted to see what I was like.
As it turned out, they saw I was different. I excelled in classes, and was easily one of the top students.
Indeed, in an early music class, I found myself explaining something to the teacher.
Needless to say, for those of you who read this and have been bullied, this attracted a lot of jealousy. I was quickly hated by most of the year, which, due to my horrible anxiety, caused me to act out and be hated further.
It came to a head a few weeks before the end of fourth term. I was threatened by a fellow student that I was going to be gang bashed.
My response was to not go to the town that my school was in. I avoided it up until I was 17 and a little smarter.
Of course my genius plan only lasted the length of the holidays. Eventually I had to go back to school.
My first day back was horrible. through the course of the two and a half months I'd had off, I'd had my left ear pierced and stretched. The teachers hated this, but I seemed to be the only one in trouble for it. I had to take it out, but, for those of you who've never smelt a stretcher before, the smell surrounded my body and made me stink all day. The boy who threatened me hadn't forgotten and jumped at me the first chance he got. Luckily there was no physicality.
That night, my parents noticed something was wrong and got the story out of me. They decided I wouldn't go for the next week, which turned into fortnight, which turned into month, which turned into term until eventually the school called me in during holidays. I explained and they did little to stop it. I returned briefly for second term, mainly for music classes and camp. By the end of my run at the school, I had a 9 day attendance, three of which were camp. I ended up expelled from that school for poor attendance.
I didn't have a school for the remainder of that term. After the holidays, I enrolled in distance education. To anyone who's experienced distance, they'll know that it's horrible. You have no contact with the outside world, no socializing what so ever. Just sitting at home every day, supposedly doing work. Most people who take this rout know that if you have any mental problem, the system exploits it. My depression made work nearly impossible and it got to mid semester and I had handed in no work what so ever. I went in to the head quarters of the school to discuss this and they quickly told me to find a way to do it.
Needless to say, this didn't work. I ended up writing myself off. I didn't think I'd ever be anything or do anything. All I was was a sad over weight 16 year old with a guitar and a negative self image. I almost killed myself daily. Suicide was almost always in my mind some where.
Then something amazing happened. I got a girlfriend late year. She saved me. I enrolled in a tafe course so I could get back into schooling, doing VCAL as it was the only open course since I hadn't completed year 10. As it turns out, the girl was cheating on my for two thirds of the relationship and still tries to make my life hell. People are just like that I guess.
Since I turned my life around, I have lost weight, become fitter and my mental problems are clearing up. My face got less pimply, my smile came back and I generally felt better.
That was, until I met the other people. But that is a different story.
I'm Valentine's Shadow.
This is my story.
Monday, May 16, 2011
Opinion - Justin Bieber
Justin Bieber has caught my eye recently. He toured Australia and there was a lot of press for him, specifically following his fan base.
But at the same time, there was alot of negativity surrounding him.
Looking deeper into it, I discovered that Justin get's a lot of bullshit, insulting his music, calling him gay ect.
I have to admit, at first I joined in with this, but now I step back and think about it.
This seems to me like a battle between those who love him and those who hate the ones that love him.
To try and put it in simpler terms, it's the people who love him that are hated, not Justin, but they attack Justin because he is a figure head, the god of the people they hate. The way they attack Justin to hurt his fans is sort of like if you hit some one in the head, their body reacts to it.
I have to admit, I don't enjoy much of Justin's music, but I don't dislike it either.
What I dislike is the screaming fans, especially the ones that think he loves them and wants to marry them. He may love his fans for being his fans, but I doubt he loves each one on an individual basis and wants to marry every single one, simply because he hasn't met the vast majority of them.
I am Valentine's Shadow.
This is my opinion.
But at the same time, there was alot of negativity surrounding him.
Looking deeper into it, I discovered that Justin get's a lot of bullshit, insulting his music, calling him gay ect.
I have to admit, at first I joined in with this, but now I step back and think about it.
This seems to me like a battle between those who love him and those who hate the ones that love him.
To try and put it in simpler terms, it's the people who love him that are hated, not Justin, but they attack Justin because he is a figure head, the god of the people they hate. The way they attack Justin to hurt his fans is sort of like if you hit some one in the head, their body reacts to it.
I have to admit, I don't enjoy much of Justin's music, but I don't dislike it either.
What I dislike is the screaming fans, especially the ones that think he loves them and wants to marry them. He may love his fans for being his fans, but I doubt he loves each one on an individual basis and wants to marry every single one, simply because he hasn't met the vast majority of them.
I am Valentine's Shadow.
This is my opinion.
My Name.
The name Valentine's Shadow might be something to wonder about for some people.
I thought I might just clarify where it came from.
To understand it all, you need to understand about my mothers side. When she was 3, my grandparents divorced and my grandma got custordy over my mum, up until she was around 11 when it became sole custordy. My grandfather remarried soon after, but to a catholic woman. Because of the catholic stance on marriage, my grandfather decided to not tell his new parent's in law that he had a daughter and as a result disowned my mother.
Some years later, he had children with his new wife, three boys.
These are my half-uncles, though I call them uncles and just before I turned 16, my eldest uncle's wife had their first child. He was born the day I was due, 16 years late, which was February 14th.
Because my grandpa disowned my mother, he considers my cousin his first born grandchild, a right that I deserve, and cast me into the shadow. This is the origin of the name, thought it also has links to my love life.
This has been a big part of my life, and a defining factor since I was little. Originally, I blamed Christianity for it, then I realized that it isn't Christianity to blame, but the people who follow and interpret it in their own ways, each which may be wrong.
I do not dislike any religion, but I dislike it's followers heavily.
I do not follow any religion, but I don't instruct others to abandon them.
I do not blame religion for anything, but I do blame peoples interpretation for much blood shed and harm.
I am Valentine's Shadow.
This is my story.
I thought I might just clarify where it came from.
To understand it all, you need to understand about my mothers side. When she was 3, my grandparents divorced and my grandma got custordy over my mum, up until she was around 11 when it became sole custordy. My grandfather remarried soon after, but to a catholic woman. Because of the catholic stance on marriage, my grandfather decided to not tell his new parent's in law that he had a daughter and as a result disowned my mother.
Some years later, he had children with his new wife, three boys.
These are my half-uncles, though I call them uncles and just before I turned 16, my eldest uncle's wife had their first child. He was born the day I was due, 16 years late, which was February 14th.
Because my grandpa disowned my mother, he considers my cousin his first born grandchild, a right that I deserve, and cast me into the shadow. This is the origin of the name, thought it also has links to my love life.
This has been a big part of my life, and a defining factor since I was little. Originally, I blamed Christianity for it, then I realized that it isn't Christianity to blame, but the people who follow and interpret it in their own ways, each which may be wrong.
I do not dislike any religion, but I dislike it's followers heavily.
I do not follow any religion, but I don't instruct others to abandon them.
I do not blame religion for anything, but I do blame peoples interpretation for much blood shed and harm.
I am Valentine's Shadow.
This is my story.
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